Be Happy

"You deserve happiness. Say it. Everywhere. In every situation. No matter what the cost. And say it, only say it, because you mean it more than anything. Because if you believe that we deserve light spilling in the window and a tomorrow that ain’t so heavy and conversation to water our bones and the chance to be redeemed in the eyes of those we’ve hurt, then you believe in happiness. You believe in joy."
— Hannah Brencher
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/07/07/you-deserve-happiness/

My therapist says I am a success story. I came from a very dark place, a place where dreams had been stolen away from me, where I had been used and abused, but a place I found my way out of. Not only was able to find my way out, but I also was able to fully recover and regenerate. This did not happen over night, and I did many wrong things to myself first, projecting the same blame, guilt and shame upon myself that others had projected from themselves on to me. But one day as I sat alone on my bed crying of loneliness, wishing there was someone who could understand, who could comfort me. I resigned to what seemed to be a fact that I would probably die alone, without a lover, because no one could possibly understand from whence I came and also be a loving person like me. I was crying but I wiped away those tears, because I had come a long way already. I had picked up my baggage and climbed over the mountain with head held high. I was about to graduate college with a degree many others envied, and I never needed to be dependent on anyone except me-myself-and-I. I loved myself even if no one else did or ever would. I was lonely, but that was okay, because I loved myself. As selfish as this sounds, it is not at all selfish. Selfishness is when you think you are better than everyone else, they are all subordinate in some way, and so you do not consider them or their feelings in anything that you do. I had not lost my love for others. I had learned the real meaning of selflessness. Selfless does not mean you do not love yourself, that you ignore your own needs in order to give others everything they want regardless. I had come to realize that as alienated as I felt in my human form, that I truly believed we all were equals, and we all were quite the same in a profound way. We were one, as the love I felt for each and every person I had ever known, despite the pain they may have brought upon me, that love had no boundaries, not flesh, not thoughts, not beliefs. As each of the latter were temporary, changeable things, whereas, this love I knew of was unchanging and unmovable. I deeply wanted for each and ever person to be happy, to be kind and loving to one another. And those that had not been so to me or to others as observed by me were not exempt from this. I knew they were lonely, they were in a dark place, and they possibly did not know a way out. And that was very sad. I hoped that if I acknowledged this love frequently and wished happiness upon every soul that I could secretly and discretely change the world. I then had a self-realization. That blame and shame that I had been directing towards myself, that had been making me feel unworthy of complete happiness whereby curing my loneliness, was a construct of society. These are the sorts of things that society and religion (another type of society of shared beliefs on spiritual rather than earthly matters) have perpetrated. They are beliefs that can be shared like any other belief can be shared. We can share shame with one another or we can share happiness with one another. But we all have the choice to choose our beliefs for ourselves. I could believe that others deserved hell because of the hurtful things that they had done to me. But rather, I believed they derserved healing and happiness. Whether you want to call the energy out there, the whole, undivided energy that surpasses flesh and thought, whether you want to call that the One or God, it does not matter. What matters is that whole one, that big picture of energy flowing through everthing that exists, and how it knows no boundaries and no beliefs. It dawned on me that if little ole me had such a raging love in my heart and goodwill towards my fellow beings, then the summation (One or God or whatever) must have so much more love and desire for our happiness. Our purpose is to let the love energy flow, don't block it, be happy. When we are happy then we share that happiness with the world.