Poem 12

The Gifts of Life

Sometimes all the noise gets to me.
I'm tired of words, of voices, of thoughts.
So I close my ears and open wider my eyes,
And only then do I truly see
All the colors become brighter around me.

It is then that you notice the details in everything.
You can take it all in like one deep breath.
You are free to focus wherever you wish.
Imagine yourself inside a flower like a bee
How insanely intimate that must be.

Author's concluding remarks:
Life has given us the opportunity to sense things on so many different levels, through each of our five   bodily senses, through numerous other spiritual senses, through the lenses of time and space which form experience and perspective, and through the degrees of magnitude we choose. To elaborate on magnitudes, I am referring to focus here, as we can tune in and out our different senses etc. and choose to focus in on a single one to experience it's fullness or focus out and take in the entire big picture to experience the harmony, the oneness. Life gives us the free will to choose at every given moment what we would like to experience given all these things, given everything.

Be Happy

"You deserve happiness. Say it. Everywhere. In every situation. No matter what the cost. And say it, only say it, because you mean it more than anything. Because if you believe that we deserve light spilling in the window and a tomorrow that ain’t so heavy and conversation to water our bones and the chance to be redeemed in the eyes of those we’ve hurt, then you believe in happiness. You believe in joy."
— Hannah Brencher
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/07/07/you-deserve-happiness/

My therapist says I am a success story. I came from a very dark place, a place where dreams had been stolen away from me, where I had been used and abused, but a place I found my way out of. Not only was able to find my way out, but I also was able to fully recover and regenerate. This did not happen over night, and I did many wrong things to myself first, projecting the same blame, guilt and shame upon myself that others had projected from themselves on to me. But one day as I sat alone on my bed crying of loneliness, wishing there was someone who could understand, who could comfort me. I resigned to what seemed to be a fact that I would probably die alone, without a lover, because no one could possibly understand from whence I came and also be a loving person like me. I was crying but I wiped away those tears, because I had come a long way already. I had picked up my baggage and climbed over the mountain with head held high. I was about to graduate college with a degree many others envied, and I never needed to be dependent on anyone except me-myself-and-I. I loved myself even if no one else did or ever would. I was lonely, but that was okay, because I loved myself. As selfish as this sounds, it is not at all selfish. Selfishness is when you think you are better than everyone else, they are all subordinate in some way, and so you do not consider them or their feelings in anything that you do. I had not lost my love for others. I had learned the real meaning of selflessness. Selfless does not mean you do not love yourself, that you ignore your own needs in order to give others everything they want regardless. I had come to realize that as alienated as I felt in my human form, that I truly believed we all were equals, and we all were quite the same in a profound way. We were one, as the love I felt for each and every person I had ever known, despite the pain they may have brought upon me, that love had no boundaries, not flesh, not thoughts, not beliefs. As each of the latter were temporary, changeable things, whereas, this love I knew of was unchanging and unmovable. I deeply wanted for each and ever person to be happy, to be kind and loving to one another. And those that had not been so to me or to others as observed by me were not exempt from this. I knew they were lonely, they were in a dark place, and they possibly did not know a way out. And that was very sad. I hoped that if I acknowledged this love frequently and wished happiness upon every soul that I could secretly and discretely change the world. I then had a self-realization. That blame and shame that I had been directing towards myself, that had been making me feel unworthy of complete happiness whereby curing my loneliness, was a construct of society. These are the sorts of things that society and religion (another type of society of shared beliefs on spiritual rather than earthly matters) have perpetrated. They are beliefs that can be shared like any other belief can be shared. We can share shame with one another or we can share happiness with one another. But we all have the choice to choose our beliefs for ourselves. I could believe that others deserved hell because of the hurtful things that they had done to me. But rather, I believed they derserved healing and happiness. Whether you want to call the energy out there, the whole, undivided energy that surpasses flesh and thought, whether you want to call that the One or God, it does not matter. What matters is that whole one, that big picture of energy flowing through everthing that exists, and how it knows no boundaries and no beliefs. It dawned on me that if little ole me had such a raging love in my heart and goodwill towards my fellow beings, then the summation (One or God or whatever) must have so much more love and desire for our happiness. Our purpose is to let the love energy flow, don't block it, be happy. When we are happy then we share that happiness with the world.    

The Conversation Connection

A very short memoir

Saturday night I attended a drum and base party to celebrate our friends' ten year anniversary of the opening of their record store. I'm not sure why exactly, but I felt like wearing my purple dress when faced with the juxtaposition of the dress versus the more common attire of jeans. Ironically, the most interesting individual I conversed with that evening was also wearing a purple dress, although a different shade of purple. I spotted her arrival and was eager to meet her. Her male friend and my husband were friends. We patiently waited through their introductions of one another and explanations behind their relationship and what not. Then we stepped aside together to greet and really meet one another, even though it was as if I was meeting an old friend whom I longed to connect with again. She spoke with the grace of an artsy intellectual. Our conversation only skimmed the surface of small talk before taking the dive into the deep end of things. She took the plunge first, explaining the psychology of openess and trust. She believed that most people, all the genuine and trustworthy ones anyhow, will develop a trust faster and share of themselves more readily the more the other person openly shares with them. This reasonated with me, as my core position upon entering the social world was that of an open book. Even after run-ins with a select few who took my words and twisted them up into their own manipulations in order to turn them against me, I tend to divulge above average information about myself. I consider the risk low, and my ability to read signs better the more terrain I have already traveled. Once you have met a mountain and a mole hill, it becomes quite secondary to tell the difference. And I don't bother with trying to climb a mole hill when I can more easily just step over those and be on my merry way. So this gal in the lavender dress, her range was worth attention and exploration. Rather than just asking me where I worked or what I do for a living like most people, she went a large step further. She asked me if I enjoyed what I do. I explained that it is not my passion, although there is little I can not find at least a drop of joy in. I like people. But my job is stressful, and there are alot of different types of people that communicate differently and not always harmoniously. She asked what I would rather do. I would rather make more of a difference, more of an impact in this world. I know with all my being that all of us are one person, just packaged up in different picture frames, displaying a different angle. I want so badly to project with ease this wisdom that the greats like Jesus, Ghandi, Budha and the Dhali Lama did and do. But instead I get wrapped up with the interferences surrounding me like traffic and on-the-job stressers. As I spoke, the look in her eye understood me, and she often contributed to or finished my sentences. "Like this," she said as she motioned over the length of her bodily form, as I spoke of interferences. Yes, the body being the most involved of all them, the one that gives birth to all the others. I explained that I feel a bit dissapointed in myself that I do not practice what I preach consistently. She expanded that thought, sculpting exquisite empathy, offered a unique verbal agreement on the matter. Yes, it is a funny thing, like there are two parts of us, the thoughts that do not always belong to us, and then who we really are. They are not the same. There is this individual who reflects, thinks, acts upon, is acted on, and this cycle repeats and repeats. And then there is this spirit, undivided and all encompassing, that is just there, is always there, always silently speaking the same word. I think perhaps the word love may be our attempt at capturing it, but many have their own differing definitions of what that means. The Chinese came closer in the Tao Te Ching where it is written that the Tao that can be defined (by language for instance, or anything for that matter) is not the eternal and thus not the true Tao. As the girl spoke to me I looked into her sparkling eyes as if into my own soul. She kind of looked like she could be my sister. I don't have a sister. But if I did, this is what I imagined her to be. Full of energy, intellectual, bright almond eyes that slant upward when we smile, freckles dotting our pale cheeks, she helped me see myself through another's eyes. And she said to me the words I most needed to here. She said that she thought I must bring alot of joy and a deeper sense of being to those around me, to those I work with most hours out of most days, because I had a great energy about me. Energy, when you put it forth with effort, then you lose it. It flows freely. The Tao is present for all beings, so we can just be content to be ourselves, or in the voice of John Lennon, "Let it be" and "Imagine".

"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one"

I dedicate this to my fellow soul who also wore a purple dress on Saturday night, and whose earrings were the color of my aura, turquoise, also the color of hers. They say it is easier to remember things when you have a picture. This picture was painted in two of my favorite colors, worn by the same girl, who helped me see myself as I should. Just a different shade of purple, we all are. Thank you, Mera:)

Inspirational Photo #2

Mount Haleakala sunrise, Maui, Hawaii

Poem 11

The World Awakes

Awaken to the sound of rain pattering against the windowpane.
A dim light remains on this cloudy Sunday morning.
Weatherman says stay indoors, predicts storms all day long,

But he is wrong.

Groggy run to fetch a double-shot Caramel Macchiato Venti.
Little white cloud puffs gently push the gray haze away.
They break them up, transform them, like liaisons of peace;

The turmoils cease.

This unification and purification leaves behind a sheer veil.
Sun appears, lights it up like glitter across the sky.
The world around awakes in color, sun-drenched sheen;

The grass is green.

Last night dreams of unmet people wandering in unknown places,
Strangers with unique human life experiences.
Somewhere and at some time they dream, perhaps dream of me;

Awake they see.

A bright white light, a star, made up of every color in the entire world.
There's only one shade of white light, and we all share it.
It's our essence, we are contained in and contain it;

One in spirit.

One day all strangers will awake from dreams to recount them all together.
Multitudes of colors in the spectrum of one light.
After night, after rain and cloud cover dissipates

The World Awakes
And Recreates.

Poem 10

Just Dance

Drummin base
A familiar face
A twirl around
Moving with sound
Drummin base
A stranger face
You all are me
Alone and free
Each so different
Each a heaven's scent
We are all the same
Just in a different picture frame
You are all just like me
You all just need love
Just like me
And there is no above
Rather within us each
One united soul to teach
Detachment from the box
Acceptance, you too, are the fox
You chase the hare
You chase a care
When there are no worries
Nothing to fuel furries
Only one common love
No push comes to shove
Anytime close your eyes
And tap into the wise
Dance your heart away
Until you meet it across the way
Drop the base
And drop your face
You are all just like me
You all just need fun
Just like me
What would Jesus do?
He'd get it down on the dance floor with me and you.

Dedicated to Joana O - thanks for the fun dnb luv

Poem 9

Bliss
e

Bliss
   i
   v
   e

Bliss
    n
    s
    p
    i
    r
    e

Bliss
     p
     i
     r
     i
     t
     u
     a
     l

Bliss
      y
      m
      b
      i
      o
      s
      i
      s

A Blissful Place

Inspirational Photo #1

Playa de Los Cerritos, Baja California Sur, Mexico

Poem 8

My Love

I could not say this word enough to truly account for how I feel.
Deeply I do adore you, and you are my closest friend.
We both say this word but fail to prove it with consistent action
Only because we become victims of nuclear hysteria.
Poisoned by the brainwashing potion, they must put it in the water.
Those life sucking leeches, the loveless take from the rich.
We are truly rich at heart, and they just greedy corporate drones.

Try not to forget yourself, your spirit that resides in nature,
Your god at sea luring you to play hooky with me and catch a surf.
Not long now and our time is near to escape to nirvana.
The schools of fish have something to teach us to stick together.
For we are safe even in the abyss, as we began in the ocean and to it return,
Again and again, whenever we wish,
It's both far and near, but it is always in reach.

Even when flat, somewhere it roars, and inside
Waves you control, create, and those you may let crash over you or ride.
When you ride them with style, my love, you always look so naturally native.

Poem 7

Noose
Cut Loose

A true story, a la poem

Walking along Grace Street
Feeling used up and alone,
Caught a glimpse of happy
An innocence I'd once known.

He smiled from ear to ear,
Silly noose around his neck.
I should have read the signs,
But I was a total wreck.

Measures I had taken
To start my life anew.
Moth leaving his cocoon
Restraints for him were few.

I'd been open-minded
Willing to try new things
Until I'd had enough of
Experiential stings.

I tried to warn him not
To go so far so fast.
His guardian, I followed,
Fell deeper than my past,

Near to lend a saving hand,
Far enough to keep my ground.
Careless and rebellious,
He had lost what I had found.

He held a knife to his throat.
I placed a kitten on his shoulder,
I pleaded love's sweet case,
Lit up the eye of the beholder.

Always living on the edge,
He ignored my basic needs;
Ogling female druggie cohorts,
Steeling cards and other misdeeds,

Overstepped my generous line.
Took five long years to be healed
Of my own color-blindness
That kept the red flags concealed.

Having believed in him in hopes
Of instilling some belief in
His worth, living, loving,
I longed to restore his playful grin.

But nothing that I ever did
Brought him any happiness,
And I lost mine in the process.
Put in my all with no success.

Had enough, I parted ways,
Briefly I crash dived.
Years have passed, by God's grace
We're both alive; I survived.

Poetry by Khalil Gibran

Here are some of my favorite quotes by Khalil Gibran, ordered as such quite appropriately. Enjoy:) some bliss!

"I purified my lips with sacred fire that I might speak of love, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I found myself mute."

"I sang the melodies of a love I did not yet know, but when I came to know it, the words became a muffled whisper in my mouth, the songs in my breast a profound silence."

"Will you not tell me what is this fire kindled in my breast? It consumes my faculties and melts my emotions and desires."

"What are these invisible hands, soft yet course, that grip my spirit in my hours of solitude and loneliness? Into my heart they pour wine mixed with bitterness of pleasure and the sweetness of pain."

"What is this wakefulness that encompasses both death and life and molds them into a dream stranger than life and deeper than death?"

"Who among you would not wake from the sleep of life if love were to brush your spirit with its fingertips?"

Poem 6

I wrote this poem a very long time ago. But since I am handicapped with writer's block at the moment (well poet's block actually, since I still can write;), here is a wonderful poem I hold dear to my heart. It makes me happy to read this again and to share it. I was in a very tragic place in my young adult life when I wrote this. If I could find joy then, I can surely take notice now, that my friend is right here with me, always has been and always will be.

The Return of the Prodigal Friend

How long has it been, my friend
Since we laughed and played together?
Where have you been all this time?
You've been here by my side.

And I have not noticed, so caught up
In my self-induced mental agony and confusion,
Running after purpose, only to watch it
Disappear as I think I'm getting nearer.

For you, my purpose, are already here
Awaiting my acceptance. If only I would look
Over my shoulder to see your loving eyes
Begging a smile and quiet my own cries

To hear your still small voice.

Listen, my soul, to the birds singing
And the wind rustling through the leaves,
To the tears of my forgotten love
As they fall softly against the windowpane

And follow these sounds as the call of a childhood friend.

Look past the window of yourself, my soul,
To the irrational joy that lies beyond,
To the sunshine that shared so many a day
With my friend and I as we would laugh and play.

Soul Sucking Society

So I am here to fess up that letting things be the way nature intended and finding bliss are much easier said than done. But the purpose of this blog and my writing is to celebrate those moments we do feel bliss, and to celebrate the simplicity and devotion of it. I truly believe as stars will always light the sky that bliss is a natural state that will always be there for us to enjoy. Society has removed us so far away from our natural state that often it is very difficult to be yourself. For me the last few days have been so stressful from the moment I wake in the morning until I fall asleep. There is just so much interference caused by all the disgruntled people around me that insist on voicing their feelings loudly and continually to the point where I have no time to think or be myself. I only have time to hold up my shield as the swords are flying at me. Finally, I make a moment when all else is asleep around me. But I am so used up that I can not find my creativity, and I am just too tired to try. Is this writer's block? Maybe so. But it is far far more than that. It is what I so hate with what has become of this world. And hate is a strong word, but I hate the ideal, the construct, of modern society. Computers were supposed to make life easier for us all. They have made it harder for most. Computers are not to blame. Society is to blame. A greedy few run the world now, and the rest of us are work horses. And the work has gotten faster paced, longer hours, more stress. It is unhealthy, unnatural. I will continue to shield myself as best I can and to draw from inner strength, because I know for a fact it is there. With all the stimulus our physical bodies are distracted by, it is easy to forget the invisible fortress within. That fortress that is home to mystical creatures and every delightful thing the imagination and heart have secured away for you, secured from the dying world. It will not die with it. It will always be there as the stars will always light up the sky. Good night and the sweetest of dreams:)

Poem 5:

Today

Twas a hectic day
Not just for me
But for all they say
Time for free
That's how it ought to be
My time belongs to me
That's what I always say
Tomorrow I'll play
For it's a new day

It's up to me

To make it that way

To set today free

To be

Poem 4:

Perspective

Glass

Half Empty

I must go searching

Until I find more

Trek

Over Mountains

Desert sands turn time

But the sun stands still

Heat

Suffocating

I must do what they say

Until I succeed

Man

In the Moon

The one I am too blind to see

Hands me the Universe

Press

Rewind button

On the control over time

Back to the Beginning

Glass

Half Full

My thirst now quenched

I need not more

All

Was right there

Beginnings happen every day

Half full like yin and yang

Poem 3:

Aqua Aura

The ocean sings to her butterfly’s wings.

Newly transformed they flutter in fear.

In faith, a new faith in things once unknown,

Now known only enough to be considered unknown.

Like the surfer in the swell who stares in wonder

As the biggest wave he has ever seen greets him,

Crashes and shatters figments of his reality

Lifting him to new heights, dropping him to new lows.

The ocean sings to her butterfly’s wings

As they quiver in awe of their majestic surroundings.

Ocean sprays invigorate them from beneath;

Sunrays highlight their beauty with devotion.

Wind moves them with the ambition to fan the whole world;

Waves dance with the wind’s gentle guide to the sun’s beats.

And the butterfly gets caught up in this hypnotizing orchestra

Doing its own dance in contrast with the greater movements.

The ocean sings to her butterfly’s wings,

“Aqua ocean, aqua sky, aqua butterfly”.

She speaks of how they are all of the same color

For each emanates from the same divine source.

And within the space each sees itself to habit,

Each is just as mighty a force as the other.

The butterfly flies through the sky over ocean

Until she falls tired, then the ocean waves carry her.

Poem 2:

Interference

Break lights, tornadoes and heavy rain pouring down
Loud argumentative interupting voices
Server down, power out, people scrambling about
Thwarted thoughts flood rivers of audible noises
Distractions loom everywhere space is left open
Detached allowance for coexistence is key
Challenge ignites evolutionary process
Vision improves the more obstructions overseen

Poem 1:

The Music Never Ends

The Universe is just One Verse,
This Symphony, a Mystery.

Time flies through still Existence
Creating a Whirl of Worlds.

Love Shines Brighter than Earth's Sun
It's the One and Only Source.

All Waves Travel at Light Speed
Along the Circle of Life.

With Each Round of the Circle,
An Ever-Changing Pattern,
The Infinite Space is Full.

Just Attentions to Detail,
Like the Composer's Music,
Fills us with Inspiration

To Trace Each and Every Note
For Self-Realization.