A very short memoir
Saturday night I attended a drum and base party to celebrate our friends' ten year anniversary of the opening of their record store. I'm not sure why exactly, but I felt like wearing my purple dress when faced with the juxtaposition of the dress versus the more common attire of jeans. Ironically, the most interesting individual I conversed with that evening was also wearing a purple dress, although a different shade of purple. I spotted her arrival and was eager to meet her. Her male friend and my husband were friends. We patiently waited through their introductions of one another and explanations behind their relationship and what not. Then we stepped aside together to greet and really meet one another, even though it was as if I was meeting an old friend whom I longed to connect with again. She spoke with the grace of an artsy intellectual. Our conversation only skimmed the surface of small talk before taking the dive into the deep end of things. She took the plunge first, explaining the psychology of openess and trust. She believed that most people, all the genuine and trustworthy ones anyhow, will develop a trust faster and share of themselves more readily the more the other person openly shares with them. This reasonated with me, as my core position upon entering the social world was that of an open book. Even after run-ins with a select few who took my words and twisted them up into their own manipulations in order to turn them against me, I tend to divulge above average information about myself. I consider the risk low, and my ability to read signs better the more terrain I have already traveled. Once you have met a mountain and a mole hill, it becomes quite secondary to tell the difference. And I don't bother with trying to climb a mole hill when I can more easily just step over those and be on my merry way. So this gal in the lavender dress, her range was worth attention and exploration. Rather than just asking me where I worked or what I do for a living like most people, she went a large step further. She asked me if I enjoyed what I do. I explained that it is not my passion, although there is little I can not find at least a drop of joy in. I like people. But my job is stressful, and there are alot of different types of people that communicate differently and not always harmoniously. She asked what I would rather do. I would rather make more of a difference, more of an impact in this world. I know with all my being that all of us are one person, just packaged up in different picture frames, displaying a different angle. I want so badly to project with ease this wisdom that the greats like Jesus, Ghandi, Budha and the Dhali Lama did and do. But instead I get wrapped up with the interferences surrounding me like traffic and on-the-job stressers. As I spoke, the look in her eye understood me, and she often contributed to or finished my sentences. "Like this," she said as she motioned over the length of her bodily form, as I spoke of interferences. Yes, the body being the most involved of all them, the one that gives birth to all the others. I explained that I feel a bit dissapointed in myself that I do not practice what I preach consistently. She expanded that thought, sculpting exquisite empathy, offered a unique verbal agreement on the matter. Yes, it is a funny thing, like there are two parts of us, the thoughts that do not always belong to us, and then who we really are. They are not the same. There is this individual who reflects, thinks, acts upon, is acted on, and this cycle repeats and repeats. And then there is this spirit, undivided and all encompassing, that is just there, is always there, always silently speaking the same word. I think perhaps the word love may be our attempt at capturing it, but many have their own differing definitions of what that means. The Chinese came closer in the Tao Te Ching where it is written that the Tao that can be defined (by language for instance, or anything for that matter) is not the eternal and thus not the true Tao. As the girl spoke to me I looked into her sparkling eyes as if into my own soul. She kind of looked like she could be my sister. I don't have a sister. But if I did, this is what I imagined her to be. Full of energy, intellectual, bright almond eyes that slant upward when we smile, freckles dotting our pale cheeks, she helped me see myself through another's eyes. And she said to me the words I most needed to here. She said that she thought I must bring alot of joy and a deeper sense of being to those around me, to those I work with most hours out of most days, because I had a great energy about me. Energy, when you put it forth with effort, then you lose it. It flows freely. The Tao is present for all beings, so we can just be content to be ourselves, or in the voice of John Lennon, "Let it be" and "Imagine".
"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world
You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one"
I dedicate this to my fellow soul who also wore a purple dress on Saturday night, and whose earrings were the color of my aura, turquoise, also the color of hers. They say it is easier to remember things when you have a picture. This picture was painted in two of my favorite colors, worn by the same girl, who helped me see myself as I should. Just a different shade of purple, we all are. Thank you, Mera:)
