Good Grief

Good Grief

I've got a heart condition...
my heart feels heavy tho its light-hearted and likes fun
my heart feels empty tho its so very full and overfloweth
an unbeatable beating contradiction

Tonight I went to my “happy place” during meditation, and boy do the tears flow from there like an endless river. I don’t visit that river quite as often as I did last year because frankly my eyes can’t take much more crying. My happy place is my heaven for which I am so grateful that the word grateful doesn’t begin to describe the joy I feel and appreciation I have for having experienced glimpses of heaven on earth in my lifetime. When I visit my happy places (there are more than one, so a multitude of gratitude;) I am struck by the most heart felt mix of emotions beyond what I can describe here or in this poem below. The nostalgic heartbreaking loss that pains me while the warm river of tears comforts me as it fills my emptiness with joy. Calling them tears of joy doesn’t do the depth and polarity of heart motion that takes place justice. “Oooh heaven is a place on earth”... temporary earth... but despite being subject to temporary nature at this time, I know in the depths of my spiritual being that my happy places, my heaven, is eternal. I can, just by closing my eyes and going inward, vividly remember every temporary detail I desire to remember about some one or some place I love... the smell of their skin or fur, the temperature of their touch, the glistening love in their eyes that their souls peaked at me out of, and I can feel them spiritually with me in the here in now, feel their presence invoked by doing this. 

In my happy place I can feel whatever nature experience I want to recreate or create anew by rearranging time such that all my favorite sensations collide, the cool breeze and the warmth of the sun on my own skin on a beautiful mild summer day, the sound of the ocean waves or of trees rustling, specific ones I’ve visited many times in my past, etc I could go on forever with describing my heaven. And what’s even more heart screaming that I must share with you all now?! My heaven is still being revealed to me, each and every day as I comprehend new beautiful experiences, it grows and grows... at least that is how my currently temporary nature perceives it, as growth; yet, my spiritual nature knows it’s just awareness, awareness that heaven is a place on earth and an infinite spiritual ever-present experience.

Live On

Live On

Turning Grief InTo Gratitude

Today I watched the slideshows of you in happy times that I created this time last year. Just as they did then, they bring me joy not the sadness of loss. Because you deserved happiness, and I love to be reminded that you lived a happy life. And that I was an integral part of that happy life that you lived.

Today is the day that eleven years ago we committed our lives to one another until death do us part. We fulfilled that commitment. I had thought that it would be so much longer than ten years; never did I foresee your death so soon. I realize now that that was an expectation I had had.

I had expected we grow relatively old together, because I just knew intuitively that we would never leave one another. My intuition was right in that we would never leave one another by choice.

I remember your saying to me in the hospital, the day before the last day you’d ever speak to me, “I don’t want to die yet, honey… When I get out of here, let’s quit our jobs and do the taco truck we’ve been talking about doing!” Your death crushed every dream I had, because they all involved “us”. I literally have not had a dream during sleep since. Nightmares at first, but now just silence.

The nightmares and my suffering were tied to my attachment to that expectation of us living long lives together. I realize that now, and it has helped me become unattached to the little I had unknowingly remained attached to. It helped me to get in touch with my biggest fear, that of losing those whom I love.

It’s a fear that has become reality in the most intimate way, considering our love was the most intimate I’d ever experienced. Because of this, I now fear death not in the least. And rather than fear the loss of those I love, I’ve replaced that fear with acceptance and gratitude. I am so very grateful that I had a place in your happy life, and that you blessed my life beyond any expectation I had of reality.

The competing measures of quantity versus quality come up quite a bit in life. I’ve always valued quality over quantity. So where time fell short of the expectation that I should have never had, the quality of our relationship was something heavenly, exceeding what I thought possible in this “cruel world”.

I am eternally grateful for the joy we shared together, and each moment truly continues eternally through my grateful remembrance. That is why I chose to honor our anniversary today by remembering the good times we shared together. Remembering how we grew together, I am grateful to have your impression upon me forever. You are always with me, just as you said in your note to me. Some would say this was a “goodbye note”, but I say it was a “live on note”.

I am so very grateful that you considered the possible reality of your not making it out of the hospital alive, because at the time I didn’t/ wouldn’t accept that. I have fully accepted it now, as well as, the agreement I must keep to “live on” and fulfill my destiny which is not quite over yet.

I will share a little bit of us with the world, an excerpt from your “live on note” to me, the piece I have tattooed on my arm. “Please live each day to the max. Spread your love. Keep me in your heart. I’ll always be with you.”

~Forever in your heart, and you forever in mine. Forever thank you, Mrs. D, aka P. Dawg (Slideshows mentioned in story: http://joeydomzalski.com/2017/01/29/the-adventures-of-joey-d/)

The Blissful Book is Open

In honorable memory of my transformed husband who left the physical realm a little less than a year and a half ago now, who wished me to spread my love, this is testament to my pure love for myself and to my growth that has led my journey through grief back to my bliss. Bliss would not exist without loss and grief. Spiritual awakening and the experience of feeling would not exist without experience. My experiences... to which I am forever grateful! They made me... this blissful open book, excerpt below tis my modus operendum:)

I don’t need anyone for anything. I’m very resilient and constantly growing in character, love and gratefulness. I hate to be felt sorry for because I am grateful for the traumas and predicaments I face in life as they are what make me into a new enriched version of me. 

When I reach out to someone for assistance, it is because I am seeking to learn. I constantly seek to learn new ways of being. I enjoy trying new ways of being when those I trust and respect have vetted such to a perceived beneficial outcome. I truly believe we all fall short of whole and are different such that we can connect in such a way to grow one another. So by this, I do not mean I change myself for others. I am always true to myself, and I know myself to be quite a chameleon at times. I have such a creative nature and interest and passion in such a variety of the spices of life, that I enjoy walking alongside another in their journey. I know that to be my journey. I’ve always been a relationship focused gal.

While I do not need a mate to complete my life or happiness, I would very much like a man who proudly and adequately wears the title of my best friend, whom I can share any word, expression, touch etc with in an accepting non-judgmental space, who loves and appreciates my being me and reciprocating these same ways with them. Someone who like me is not afraid to dive into an intimate connection based in truth and divine love, and someone who is as dedicated to personal growth as I am, who encourages mine passively and appreciates my doing the same for them.

I did have this, so I know it exists. I also know it didn’t happen overnight, and that as fallible human beings our journey together to the highlands is rocky at times.. but the dedicated never give up. You meet where you both are and grow together from there. 

That being said, sometimes our inner compass gives us different directions, and we must follow those in order to fulfill our destinies. There are surely intimate relationships that are meant to change in ways that create distance, and when we know that to be so we must flow with it by letting go. 

Love does not possess, but it is purely loyal. Intimate connections never become less intimate even when miles or death separate physically. A lizard is no less a lizard after shedding its physical skin. So it is with pure love. 

Those that are agreeable to such do also have compassion on the human condition and it’s necessity to grieve physical loss and understand the loss just like the love never goes away. And each grieving person is on their journey of healing that never ends.

The lizard has infinite layers of skin to shed and grow. Love has infinite layers; it’s not limited to one object or person of affection. The lizard at this point in time may be adorning a bronze skin but the green one he shed yesterday never ceases to be his skin too. Some lizards are meant to only shed one skin a lifetime, and some shed countless. And each lizards’ skins, whether below skin deep in the unconscious where time doesn’t exist and thus the “future” is now, or whether the skin the world now sees, or whether a skin that was shed in the past, they are always all one and the same LOVE that is the lizard. 

Because I know that which is possible and that the sky that is outer space has no limits and an uncountable number of stars, I will not settle for anything less than agreeable for I choose to be agreeable to my destiny as it is unfolded for me by the highest one. 

Some say they feel insignificant when staring out at the night sky that is so vast. But I feel quite the opposite. The moon is there to shine light in my darkest of times; I am never alone. And while there are countless stars, each one does its part to give light to the endless sky, each star is brilliantly beautiful. 

One star's place is positioned such that other stars are near or far to it personally, but they are all still brilliantly beautiful and equally important in their space. Whichever star is closest to me, we are blessed to connect so closely. And those farther away are still blessed in their space where they have other stars close to them as well. We hold our own spaces, and in this life we are not given the capability to connect closely to all people in our lifetimes. 

Their are countless stars, and we are meant to interact closely with certain ones only, given our divine space in the sky. I follow God's placement for me and enter that space, and I welcome all who come in contact with that and so me, whether it be for a time or a season or a lifetime, I am grateful:)   

--- The Lizard Queen (I am. And I can. I can do anything;)

I am River

Slowing down to allow life to reveal.
Listening now to nature's pleasurable appeal.

The water flows around the rocks in its path.
Birds sing "Don't Worry." Let nature do the math.

I'm one of its many numbers, one of its living beings.
I'm one of its many feelings, one of its many seeings.

They say seeing is believing; Are many blind?
All of the answers in nature we will find.

The river sounds both energetic and joyful.
It feels no fear, no doubt, no lull.

It balances itself across uneven terrain.
Flowing forward with no refrain.

A river runs perfectly in every way,
A living, moving illumination of sun-rays.

Delighting every one of my senses;
Inviting me to join in as it dances...

--I wrote this in Boulder, CO at MysterE's River House, in the Amusement Park lifeisheart.com

Be... Valentines

The following contains quotes by Rumi with slight revisions and additions and arrangement by me:

"This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Both light and shadow are the dance of love. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along. Love said to me, there is nothing that is not me. The one you love is you, is everything. Be silent. No end, no end to the journey. Instead of being so bound up with everyone, BE everyone. Walk out like a prisoner having freed himself, like someone suddenly born into color. Infinite mercy flows continually; those asleep just can't see it. Protect yourself from your own thoughts. We all have them, and they do not belong to us. It is what we make or don't make of them that matters. We are all the same. Listen to the reeds as they sway apart in the breeze, and hear them speak of lost friends. At birth, you cried at separation. Everyone listens, knowing your song. We all yearn for others who know our name, and the words to our lament. We are all the same, all the same, longing to find our way back. home. Back to the one, the only one. Remember, the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside of you. Keep traveling the long journey into yourself. I am the ocean and its turbulents, and you are each waves that belong to me. You each touch the sky at a different point that is yours, your expression, your gift. Be the gift to the world that gives no blame and no shame. Giving thanks for abundance is sweeter than the abundance itself. We rarely take time to hear our inner music but we're dancing to it nevertheless. Allow your present moment to be your dancing partner. The eye is meant to see things; the soul is here for its own joy. You were born with potential, with goodness and trust, with greatness and dreams of greatness. You were born with wings... Only from your heart center can you kiss the sky."

Stars

My heartbeat,

If you listen close enough,

You can hear it.

A multitude of heartbeats,

Both as deep and as wide

As outer space,

And there is one

Heartbeat just for you,

And you alone.

Some people think they are tiny

In comparison to the vastness of outer space,

That they have little meaning

In this infinite place.

But they are looking at it all wrong;

It’s more like a beautiful song.

The universe would not exist

Without every single part and tiny bit.

Together, the parts make the whole,

The sum of it;

Each integral part a piece of the complete

With its own special heartbeat.

So remember this, when you look up into outer space

Or into a beautiful face,

You have an integral part to play

So do not waste another day.

You’re a beautiful instrument all your own

That shines brighter than any star has ever shown.

You are a star up above,

My love.

Mirror Mirror with no walls, so it rises as it falls

L

Alone is missing an L.
Love makes us AllOne.

C Enter

When you say you have something to show me, you are excited, eager, determined.
These are emotions, and emotions come from the spirit, or soul one.
Even frustration leads to a reaction, an emotional one,
That in turn evokes MORE emotions from both you and I.
This in turn builds up until emotional fullness is attained,
The water filling the glass, the circular glass with no bottom through which the water flows...
Entering the door of soul one, C enter.

That being the doorway, the center, of the path that has no end.

When you say you have something to show me, you speak of that which can not be shown.
It can not even be seen. It is KNOWN.
What you see and want to show me is a mind perception.
It is an expression of ego. For I know you and you, me.
This we know: 1 and 1 then 3; some believe 3 is the end all be all, but there is no end.
So when you say I should keep looking until I find the end, that does not resonate with me.
The end is the beginning; therefore, there is neither.

Beginning and end can be perceived as occurring simultaneously infinitely.

If you truly see some other "end" than this, open your mind's perception to receive more.
There is always more, always another door.

We will never reach the end. 0 1 1 2 3... 3 is not the end all be all, as there is always more to add.
Just like nothing 0 is intimately related to the One everything such that 0 + 1 = 1,
And 1 + 1 like you and I make 2, then adding the One we share makes 3, and so on, infinitely.

As light travels through space to no end. We must humbly keep our eyes open.
Know that I know, for that is the only way to GO.

If our minds tell us that we are in different worlds, even different places or spaces, know that is ego.
Mind trick: 0 1 1 2 3 5 8... says the 0 is in a different space or place than the 8,
But truthfully they are all light travelling through infinity.

If ever you feel doubtful of me, look into my eyes, for they are the windows to our soul.
The soul one is light travelling through infinity.

A square, triangle, all shapes derive from the circle, defining and connecting points on the circle.
The circle has no beginning and no end. It has a center.

One. Center. C enter!

Poem 12

The Gifts of Life

Sometimes all the noise gets to me.
I'm tired of words, of voices, of thoughts.
So I close my ears and open wider my eyes,
And only then do I truly see
All the colors become brighter around me.

It is then that you notice the details in everything.
You can take it all in like one deep breath.
You are free to focus wherever you wish.
Imagine yourself inside a flower like a bee
How insanely intimate that must be.

Author's concluding remarks:
Life has given us the opportunity to sense things on so many different levels, through each of our five   bodily senses, through numerous other spiritual senses, through the lenses of time and space which form experience and perspective, and through the degrees of magnitude we choose. To elaborate on magnitudes, I am referring to focus here, as we can tune in and out our different senses etc. and choose to focus in on a single one to experience it's fullness or focus out and take in the entire big picture to experience the harmony, the oneness. Life gives us the free will to choose at every given moment what we would like to experience given all these things, given everything.

Be Happy

"You deserve happiness. Say it. Everywhere. In every situation. No matter what the cost. And say it, only say it, because you mean it more than anything. Because if you believe that we deserve light spilling in the window and a tomorrow that ain’t so heavy and conversation to water our bones and the chance to be redeemed in the eyes of those we’ve hurt, then you believe in happiness. You believe in joy."
— Hannah Brencher
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/07/07/you-deserve-happiness/

My therapist says I am a success story. I came from a very dark place, a place where dreams had been stolen away from me, where I had been used and abused, but a place I found my way out of. Not only was able to find my way out, but I also was able to fully recover and regenerate. This did not happen over night, and I did many wrong things to myself first, projecting the same blame, guilt and shame upon myself that others had projected from themselves on to me. But one day as I sat alone on my bed crying of loneliness, wishing there was someone who could understand, who could comfort me. I resigned to what seemed to be a fact that I would probably die alone, without a lover, because no one could possibly understand from whence I came and also be a loving person like me. I was crying but I wiped away those tears, because I had come a long way already. I had picked up my baggage and climbed over the mountain with head held high. I was about to graduate college with a degree many others envied, and I never needed to be dependent on anyone except me-myself-and-I. I loved myself even if no one else did or ever would. I was lonely, but that was okay, because I loved myself. As selfish as this sounds, it is not at all selfish. Selfishness is when you think you are better than everyone else, they are all subordinate in some way, and so you do not consider them or their feelings in anything that you do. I had not lost my love for others. I had learned the real meaning of selflessness. Selfless does not mean you do not love yourself, that you ignore your own needs in order to give others everything they want regardless. I had come to realize that as alienated as I felt in my human form, that I truly believed we all were equals, and we all were quite the same in a profound way. We were one, as the love I felt for each and every person I had ever known, despite the pain they may have brought upon me, that love had no boundaries, not flesh, not thoughts, not beliefs. As each of the latter were temporary, changeable things, whereas, this love I knew of was unchanging and unmovable. I deeply wanted for each and ever person to be happy, to be kind and loving to one another. And those that had not been so to me or to others as observed by me were not exempt from this. I knew they were lonely, they were in a dark place, and they possibly did not know a way out. And that was very sad. I hoped that if I acknowledged this love frequently and wished happiness upon every soul that I could secretly and discretely change the world. I then had a self-realization. That blame and shame that I had been directing towards myself, that had been making me feel unworthy of complete happiness whereby curing my loneliness, was a construct of society. These are the sorts of things that society and religion (another type of society of shared beliefs on spiritual rather than earthly matters) have perpetrated. They are beliefs that can be shared like any other belief can be shared. We can share shame with one another or we can share happiness with one another. But we all have the choice to choose our beliefs for ourselves. I could believe that others deserved hell because of the hurtful things that they had done to me. But rather, I believed they derserved healing and happiness. Whether you want to call the energy out there, the whole, undivided energy that surpasses flesh and thought, whether you want to call that the One or God, it does not matter. What matters is that whole one, that big picture of energy flowing through everthing that exists, and how it knows no boundaries and no beliefs. It dawned on me that if little ole me had such a raging love in my heart and goodwill towards my fellow beings, then the summation (One or God or whatever) must have so much more love and desire for our happiness. Our purpose is to let the love energy flow, don't block it, be happy. When we are happy then we share that happiness with the world.    

The Conversation Connection

A very short memoir

Saturday night I attended a drum and base party to celebrate our friends' ten year anniversary of the opening of their record store. I'm not sure why exactly, but I felt like wearing my purple dress when faced with the juxtaposition of the dress versus the more common attire of jeans. Ironically, the most interesting individual I conversed with that evening was also wearing a purple dress, although a different shade of purple. I spotted her arrival and was eager to meet her. Her male friend and my husband were friends. We patiently waited through their introductions of one another and explanations behind their relationship and what not. Then we stepped aside together to greet and really meet one another, even though it was as if I was meeting an old friend whom I longed to connect with again. She spoke with the grace of an artsy intellectual. Our conversation only skimmed the surface of small talk before taking the dive into the deep end of things. She took the plunge first, explaining the psychology of openess and trust. She believed that most people, all the genuine and trustworthy ones anyhow, will develop a trust faster and share of themselves more readily the more the other person openly shares with them. This reasonated with me, as my core position upon entering the social world was that of an open book. Even after run-ins with a select few who took my words and twisted them up into their own manipulations in order to turn them against me, I tend to divulge above average information about myself. I consider the risk low, and my ability to read signs better the more terrain I have already traveled. Once you have met a mountain and a mole hill, it becomes quite secondary to tell the difference. And I don't bother with trying to climb a mole hill when I can more easily just step over those and be on my merry way. So this gal in the lavender dress, her range was worth attention and exploration. Rather than just asking me where I worked or what I do for a living like most people, she went a large step further. She asked me if I enjoyed what I do. I explained that it is not my passion, although there is little I can not find at least a drop of joy in. I like people. But my job is stressful, and there are alot of different types of people that communicate differently and not always harmoniously. She asked what I would rather do. I would rather make more of a difference, more of an impact in this world. I know with all my being that all of us are one person, just packaged up in different picture frames, displaying a different angle. I want so badly to project with ease this wisdom that the greats like Jesus, Ghandi, Budha and the Dhali Lama did and do. But instead I get wrapped up with the interferences surrounding me like traffic and on-the-job stressers. As I spoke, the look in her eye understood me, and she often contributed to or finished my sentences. "Like this," she said as she motioned over the length of her bodily form, as I spoke of interferences. Yes, the body being the most involved of all them, the one that gives birth to all the others. I explained that I feel a bit dissapointed in myself that I do not practice what I preach consistently. She expanded that thought, sculpting exquisite empathy, offered a unique verbal agreement on the matter. Yes, it is a funny thing, like there are two parts of us, the thoughts that do not always belong to us, and then who we really are. They are not the same. There is this individual who reflects, thinks, acts upon, is acted on, and this cycle repeats and repeats. And then there is this spirit, undivided and all encompassing, that is just there, is always there, always silently speaking the same word. I think perhaps the word love may be our attempt at capturing it, but many have their own differing definitions of what that means. The Chinese came closer in the Tao Te Ching where it is written that the Tao that can be defined (by language for instance, or anything for that matter) is not the eternal and thus not the true Tao. As the girl spoke to me I looked into her sparkling eyes as if into my own soul. She kind of looked like she could be my sister. I don't have a sister. But if I did, this is what I imagined her to be. Full of energy, intellectual, bright almond eyes that slant upward when we smile, freckles dotting our pale cheeks, she helped me see myself through another's eyes. And she said to me the words I most needed to here. She said that she thought I must bring alot of joy and a deeper sense of being to those around me, to those I work with most hours out of most days, because I had a great energy about me. Energy, when you put it forth with effort, then you lose it. It flows freely. The Tao is present for all beings, so we can just be content to be ourselves, or in the voice of John Lennon, "Let it be" and "Imagine".

"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one"

I dedicate this to my fellow soul who also wore a purple dress on Saturday night, and whose earrings were the color of my aura, turquoise, also the color of hers. They say it is easier to remember things when you have a picture. This picture was painted in two of my favorite colors, worn by the same girl, who helped me see myself as I should. Just a different shade of purple, we all are. Thank you, Mera:)

Inspirational Photo #2

Mount Haleakala sunrise, Maui, Hawaii

Poem 11

The World Awakes

Awaken to the sound of rain pattering against the windowpane.
A dim light remains on this cloudy Sunday morning.
Weatherman says stay indoors, predicts storms all day long,

But he is wrong.

Groggy run to fetch a double-shot Caramel Macchiato Venti.
Little white cloud puffs gently push the gray haze away.
They break them up, transform them, like liaisons of peace;

The turmoils cease.

This unification and purification leaves behind a sheer veil.
Sun appears, lights it up like glitter across the sky.
The world around awakes in color, sun-drenched sheen;

The grass is green.

Last night dreams of unmet people wandering in unknown places,
Strangers with unique human life experiences.
Somewhere and at some time they dream, perhaps dream of me;

Awake they see.

A bright white light, a star, made up of every color in the entire world.
There's only one shade of white light, and we all share it.
It's our essence, we are contained in and contain it;

One in spirit.

One day all strangers will awake from dreams to recount them all together.
Multitudes of colors in the spectrum of one light.
After night, after rain and cloud cover dissipates

The World Awakes
And Recreates.

Poem 10

Just Dance

Drummin base
A familiar face
A twirl around
Moving with sound
Drummin base
A stranger face
You all are me
Alone and free
Each so different
Each a heaven's scent
We are all the same
Just in a different picture frame
You are all just like me
You all just need love
Just like me
And there is no above
Rather within us each
One united soul to teach
Detachment from the box
Acceptance, you too, are the fox
You chase the hare
You chase a care
When there are no worries
Nothing to fuel furries
Only one common love
No push comes to shove
Anytime close your eyes
And tap into the wise
Dance your heart away
Until you meet it across the way
Drop the base
And drop your face
You are all just like me
You all just need fun
Just like me
What would Jesus do?
He'd get it down on the dance floor with me and you.

Dedicated to Joana O - thanks for the fun dnb luv

Poem 9

Bliss
e

Bliss
   i
   v
   e

Bliss
    n
    s
    p
    i
    r
    e

Bliss
     p
     i
     r
     i
     t
     u
     a
     l

Bliss
      y
      m
      b
      i
      o
      s
      i
      s

A Blissful Place

Inspirational Photo #1

Playa de Los Cerritos, Baja California Sur, Mexico

Poem 8

My Love

I could not say this word enough to truly account for how I feel.
Deeply I do adore you, and you are my closest friend.
We both say this word but fail to prove it with consistent action
Only because we become victims of nuclear hysteria.
Poisoned by the brainwashing potion, they must put it in the water.
Those life sucking leeches, the loveless take from the rich.
We are truly rich at heart, and they just greedy corporate drones.

Try not to forget yourself, your spirit that resides in nature,
Your god at sea luring you to play hooky with me and catch a surf.
Not long now and our time is near to escape to nirvana.
The schools of fish have something to teach us to stick together.
For we are safe even in the abyss, as we began in the ocean and to it return,
Again and again, whenever we wish,
It's both far and near, but it is always in reach.

Even when flat, somewhere it roars, and inside
Waves you control, create, and those you may let crash over you or ride.
When you ride them with style, my love, you always look so naturally native.

Poem 7

Noose
Cut Loose

A true story, a la poem

Walking along Grace Street
Feeling used up and alone,
Caught a glimpse of happy
An innocence I'd once known.

He smiled from ear to ear,
Silly noose around his neck.
I should have read the signs,
But I was a total wreck.

Measures I had taken
To start my life anew.
Moth leaving his cocoon
Restraints for him were few.

I'd been open-minded
Willing to try new things
Until I'd had enough of
Experiential stings.

I tried to warn him not
To go so far so fast.
His guardian, I followed,
Fell deeper than my past,

Near to lend a saving hand,
Far enough to keep my ground.
Careless and rebellious,
He had lost what I had found.

He held a knife to his throat.
I placed a kitten on his shoulder,
I pleaded love's sweet case,
Lit up the eye of the beholder.

Always living on the edge,
He ignored my basic needs;
Ogling female druggie cohorts,
Steeling cards and other misdeeds,

Overstepped my generous line.
Took five long years to be healed
Of my own color-blindness
That kept the red flags concealed.

Having believed in him in hopes
Of instilling some belief in
His worth, living, loving,
I longed to restore his playful grin.

But nothing that I ever did
Brought him any happiness,
And I lost mine in the process.
Put in my all with no success.

Had enough, I parted ways,
Briefly I crash dived.
Years have passed, by God's grace
We're both alive; I survived.

Poetry by Khalil Gibran

Here are some of my favorite quotes by Khalil Gibran, ordered as such quite appropriately. Enjoy:) some bliss!

"I purified my lips with sacred fire that I might speak of love, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I found myself mute."

"I sang the melodies of a love I did not yet know, but when I came to know it, the words became a muffled whisper in my mouth, the songs in my breast a profound silence."

"Will you not tell me what is this fire kindled in my breast? It consumes my faculties and melts my emotions and desires."

"What are these invisible hands, soft yet course, that grip my spirit in my hours of solitude and loneliness? Into my heart they pour wine mixed with bitterness of pleasure and the sweetness of pain."

"What is this wakefulness that encompasses both death and life and molds them into a dream stranger than life and deeper than death?"

"Who among you would not wake from the sleep of life if love were to brush your spirit with its fingertips?"

Poem 6

I wrote this poem a very long time ago. But since I am handicapped with writer's block at the moment (well poet's block actually, since I still can write;), here is a wonderful poem I hold dear to my heart. It makes me happy to read this again and to share it. I was in a very tragic place in my young adult life when I wrote this. If I could find joy then, I can surely take notice now, that my friend is right here with me, always has been and always will be.

The Return of the Prodigal Friend

How long has it been, my friend
Since we laughed and played together?
Where have you been all this time?
You've been here by my side.

And I have not noticed, so caught up
In my self-induced mental agony and confusion,
Running after purpose, only to watch it
Disappear as I think I'm getting nearer.

For you, my purpose, are already here
Awaiting my acceptance. If only I would look
Over my shoulder to see your loving eyes
Begging a smile and quiet my own cries

To hear your still small voice.

Listen, my soul, to the birds singing
And the wind rustling through the leaves,
To the tears of my forgotten love
As they fall softly against the windowpane

And follow these sounds as the call of a childhood friend.

Look past the window of yourself, my soul,
To the irrational joy that lies beyond,
To the sunshine that shared so many a day
With my friend and I as we would laugh and play.

Soul Sucking Society

So I am here to fess up that letting things be the way nature intended and finding bliss are much easier said than done. But the purpose of this blog and my writing is to celebrate those moments we do feel bliss, and to celebrate the simplicity and devotion of it. I truly believe as stars will always light the sky that bliss is a natural state that will always be there for us to enjoy. Society has removed us so far away from our natural state that often it is very difficult to be yourself. For me the last few days have been so stressful from the moment I wake in the morning until I fall asleep. There is just so much interference caused by all the disgruntled people around me that insist on voicing their feelings loudly and continually to the point where I have no time to think or be myself. I only have time to hold up my shield as the swords are flying at me. Finally, I make a moment when all else is asleep around me. But I am so used up that I can not find my creativity, and I am just too tired to try. Is this writer's block? Maybe so. But it is far far more than that. It is what I so hate with what has become of this world. And hate is a strong word, but I hate the ideal, the construct, of modern society. Computers were supposed to make life easier for us all. They have made it harder for most. Computers are not to blame. Society is to blame. A greedy few run the world now, and the rest of us are work horses. And the work has gotten faster paced, longer hours, more stress. It is unhealthy, unnatural. I will continue to shield myself as best I can and to draw from inner strength, because I know for a fact it is there. With all the stimulus our physical bodies are distracted by, it is easy to forget the invisible fortress within. That fortress that is home to mystical creatures and every delightful thing the imagination and heart have secured away for you, secured from the dying world. It will not die with it. It will always be there as the stars will always light up the sky. Good night and the sweetest of dreams:)

Poem 5:

Today

Twas a hectic day
Not just for me
But for all they say
Time for free
That's how it ought to be
My time belongs to me
That's what I always say
Tomorrow I'll play
For it's a new day

It's up to me

To make it that way

To set today free

To be

Poem 4:

Perspective

Glass

Half Empty

I must go searching

Until I find more

Trek

Over Mountains

Desert sands turn time

But the sun stands still

Heat

Suffocating

I must do what they say

Until I succeed

Man

In the Moon

The one I am too blind to see

Hands me the Universe

Press

Rewind button

On the control over time

Back to the Beginning

Glass

Half Full

My thirst now quenched

I need not more

All

Was right there

Beginnings happen every day

Half full like yin and yang

Poem 3:

Aqua Aura

The ocean sings to her butterfly’s wings.

Newly transformed they flutter in fear.

In faith, a new faith in things once unknown,

Now known only enough to be considered unknown.

Like the surfer in the swell who stares in wonder

As the biggest wave he has ever seen greets him,

Crashes and shatters figments of his reality

Lifting him to new heights, dropping him to new lows.

The ocean sings to her butterfly’s wings

As they quiver in awe of their majestic surroundings.

Ocean sprays invigorate them from beneath;

Sunrays highlight their beauty with devotion.

Wind moves them with the ambition to fan the whole world;

Waves dance with the wind’s gentle guide to the sun’s beats.

And the butterfly gets caught up in this hypnotizing orchestra

Doing its own dance in contrast with the greater movements.

The ocean sings to her butterfly’s wings,

“Aqua ocean, aqua sky, aqua butterfly”.

She speaks of how they are all of the same color

For each emanates from the same divine source.

And within the space each sees itself to habit,

Each is just as mighty a force as the other.

The butterfly flies through the sky over ocean

Until she falls tired, then the ocean waves carry her.